Shout Your Wins

I recently re-read my 2023 year in review post and I noticed something peculiar. I completely left out the fact that in 2023 I took my bedroom beat making out of the bedroom for the first time. Let me back it up a bit. 

My musical journey has taken me on many paths. I’m down to try anything once, especially artistically. Since working with dBs I’ve always had an appreciation for production. Of course I’d made the backing music for my YouTube “Major to Minor” videos but I (wrongly) never considered that to be producing. In the early months of the pandemic I bought my first piece of production hardware, the Korg Volca Beats. An analog drum machine. Soon after that I bought the Volca Keys and I was on my way. 

Like any beginner my first attempts were not masterpieces, but it was definitely fun. Now fast-forward to 2023 and I’d already released an EP on vinyl and 2 songs, “You Freed Me” and “#Blessed” that featured my production. But my beats were not the focus of these projects and looking at all these producers showcasing their instrumentals at shows and on beat tapes - I knew there was more I wanted to do. 

In Brooklyn there are events and collectives that focus on producers as the main attraction. From Donut Lounge, to Supply Chain Radio and venues like The Sampler and Wonderville. These spaces allow artists to express themselves in hip hop without rhyme. As a rhymer, I think this is dope and wanted very much to become a part of it. So I built up my catalog of worthy beats and entered the March open aux competition at Donut Lounge and I won! And I had the audacity to leave that out of my year in review!

This may be part of a larger problem. My inability to recognize my wins. Why do I do this? Do I not believe I’m worthy of recognition? Do I not believe my wins are actual wins!? What past trauma is manifesting itself in this way? Lots of questions not too many answers. 

I don’t believe I’m alone in this mindset. I think other creatives may also suffer from an inability to be satisfied or feeling accomplished, especially when there’s little or no monetary exchange for the art. It may stem from insecurities we’re not even aware of. Regardless, this mindset is restricting. It does not benefit us to shy away from our accomplishments regardless of how small they may seem. Big yourselves up. Big up others around you. When you do some dope shit, let the world know and point out the dopeness you witness. 

Any amount of positive energy put into this world is a net gain. 

I love y’all. 

Community over competition. 

ryan-o’neil